When the phone call from the doctor came, we were in Georgia, and he advised that I head back to Illinois to see the surgeon that very week. His urgency, I'm sure, was related to the fact that the biopsy revealed a high grade tumor.
As hard as it was for Dan and me to be apart for the next few days, it was necessary, and the Lord provided grace as only He can. I drove back to Illinois with the children Tuesday. I had planned to stop for the evening at a hotel, but when the children finally got to sleep, I didn't want to lose the momentum you attain when all is quiet in the car. We drove straight through to my in-laws, and I stayed awake thanks to some late-night phone calls and the anticipation that I could sleep in the next morning.
When I awoke, I spotted an updated copy of Streams in the Desert on the nearby shelf. I had read this devotional in the past, and the content always seemed fitting when going through difficult times. With an eager heart, I picked up the book and read the devotional from a few days previous (August 29). These words ministered to me:
God knows best what cross we need to bear, and we never know how heavy someone else's cross may be...Yet if we could actually test all the crosses we think are lighter than ours, we would never find one better suited for us than our own.
God knew I needed to be reminded that this cancer was the cross HE chose for me. No need to look at others and wonder, Why me? This was God's choice, and His ways are always best.